im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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