Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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