Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
