she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
