If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
