Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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