she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
