Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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