First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
