i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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