I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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