just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
