I wannas sexs uuuuu
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
