i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
