I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
