I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
