I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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