I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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