I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
