You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
