"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
