I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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