You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
