you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
