how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
