just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
