i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
