sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
