Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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