No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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