Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
