I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
no you cant smoke seaweed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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