Will you blow on my dice?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
