Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
