I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
