my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
