Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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