I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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