Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
