R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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