i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
