at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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