i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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