I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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