I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
