There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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