you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
