mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
