were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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