last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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