i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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