Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
